Secret Rewards
An Ash Wednesday Reflection on Genuine Fulfillment
Lately I’ve become fascinated with English translations of Jesus’ teachings from Aramaic, the Semitic language that Jesus spoke. Such translations give new and often surprising meaning to his teachings, resonating deeply at a heart level. I find myself saying, “Now that sounds like Jesus!” This is true of the teaching from Matthew’s Gospel appointed for Ash Wednesday, which is about the reward structure that determines our lives.[1]
We tend to think of a “reward” as a prize for good behavior or a payment for services rendered. If you do X, then you will get Y. It is all very transactional, operating at an external, surface level of our lives. But “reward” has a different meaning in Semitic languages. The word translated as “reward” contains the same root as the word shalom, which means “peace” in the sense of fulfillment or the feeling of completion – the sense that everything has come together as it should be.[2] What is it then, that makes your life feel complete, whole, as it should be?
Often, we think, if only I met the right man, or got this promotion, or got my daughter through college, or saved this much in my 401K, then I would be complete! Shalom is always on deferred payment plan. It is something we have to strive to achieve. But what if it already is ours?
Jesus warns us against settling for too little when it comes to how seek fulfillment. It is not that we necessarily are seeking it in the wrong ways. We may lead virtuous and generous lives, practicing prayer, compassion, service to others. These are not bad things. We are on the right track if we do them. The problem is that we receive a reputation for holiness, the respect of our peers, and we think that will makes us feel complete. People may see us, at least in an external, superficial way, and think we are great, and then we think we’ve arrived.
This is no better, in a way, then seeking wealth, power, and pleasure. Pope Francis describes it as spiritual worldliness, a kind of egoistic self-satisfaction that is perhaps even more dangerous to our souls than materialistic pursuits. These false “rewards” don’t bring real peace, the soul’s deepest desire for a sense of completion. They don’t work because there is nothing outside of us that can satisfy the soul’s longing for God.
I think we all know this from our own experience. No matter how successful we may be, no matter how respected we may be, not matter how hard we work to present a public face of having it all together, we wonder if this is all there is. We wear many disguises, many public faces, to shield us from the fear that if people really saw us, they’d realize we are a fraud! We are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. One wrong move, and we could lose it all. We never really have closure, a sense of completion, so long as our peace depends upon what other people think of us. Ultimately, outsourcing our happiness and even our identity – tell me who you want me to be! – doesn’t work. In fact, it is exhausting.
Alternatively, we may feel completely incapable of ever measuring up to other people’s expectations, shielding ourselves from the view of others as much as we can. We don’t want to be seen because it never seems to work out well. So even if others think we are terrible, a real loser, their vision remains external, superficial, and we remain defined by what other people think.
But there is another kind of “reward,” a genuine fulfillment, that comes from being seen by God in “secret.” The word “secret” comes from a verb that means to protect or veil. It can refer to a kind of inner sight that is quite different from the gaze of prying eyes. It sees what others do not and cannot see. God sees the soul’s desire for genuine completion, but with infinite respect for our dignity and infinite mercy for our incompleteness; never pulling back the veil, never allowing that interior shrine to be sullied by judging eyes.[3]
Where others see success or failure, God sees our soul in its pristine beauty, mirroring the face of love illuminated by the radiant light of creation’s dawn.
Our almsgiving, our prayer, and our fasting are not done so that we may be seen by others, but rather to open us to the inner vision of the Divine One who alone can complete what is unfinished in us. These practices are meant to loosen our attachment to ego, so that a space can open up within us in which we share communion with God. From that communion, a deeper and fuller completion is obtained, one which flows from the inside out rather than from the outside in. We no longer outsource our identity and happiness. We receive them instead from our Father/Mother who sees us whole.
This is an instance where the King James translation serves us better, for it says that “the Father which seethe in secret shall reward thee openly.” The word translated as “openly” refers to that which is revealed by being manifest in form. It has the connotation of the swell of the ocean, slowly taking shape and then crashing to shore with great power.[4]
The communion with God that begins in secret is manifest in lives of wisdom and compassion, and it does so with visible power. It will be seen by others, but it is not done so that it will be seen by others. It is just what happens when things come together as they should be. This is the source of real peace, the shape of a life that feels complete. And it doesn’t depend one whit about what anybody else thinks about it.
Jesus invites us to align our sense of self with our soul, the inner light of God’s love that shines in the center of our being. Seek the sense of completion that can only come from communion with God. When we realize an inner abundance of love, it overflows the protective veil of God’s gentle regard for us and is manifest in lives of service, forgiveness, and love. We are then free to act regardless of the consequences, regardless of what other people think.
During this Lenten season, we are invited to remember God, to remember our desire for shalom, for a sense of completion. We are invited to stop looking outside of ourselves to fulfill that desire. We already are whole if we can but see ourselves through God’s eyes. Allow God, who sees beneath the protective veil of our self, to realign self with soul, so that our lives can manifest our true identity as expressions of the divine wisdom and compassion.
Why settle for any lesser reward, when God desires so much more for us?
[1] Matthew 6:1-16, 16-21.
[2] “Hebrew Word Study – Reward – Shillumath שלומת” by Chaim Bentorah (Oct 30, 2021) at www.chaimbentorah.com.
[3] Neil Douglas-Klotz, The Hidden Gospel: Decoding the Spiritual Message of the Aramaic Jesus (Wheaton, IL: Quest Books, 1999), p. 61.
[4] Douglas-Klotz, p. 61.